Monday, February 20, 2006

It's been a while...


最近有個朋友問我發片之後有什麼樣的想法,我就發現這幾個月忙著誠品的巡迴加上回家那麼長的時間害我沒機會靜下來思拷這個問題。 我很久沒留言的原因是我正在做今年的計畫及花一些時間聽內心的話。 因為還有很多的未知心情友一些挑戰。 不過目前大部分的時間都花在練唱,寫新歌及運動。 發現從感恩節到聖誕節到新年加上回加拿大的享受,農曆年許多的搭餐和去高雄和台南的小吃...well當然胖了! 走路時就真加了蒟蒻擺動的感覺。 坦白說看到體重就有一點小負面。不過當我想到 每一口開心的時刻我就決定這一切都值得! 生命不是就是要享受這些嗎?

A friend asked me the other day, how do I feel after releasing my first album? The past few months have been a bit of a whirlwind with the Eslite tour and then going home for such a long period of time. I haven't written in so long because I've been doing some introspection and planning for the next few months. There are some discussions going on as to what will happen next, but in the mean time there's nothing better than practicing singing, writing music and getting to the gym! Unfortunately (or fortunately the endless flow of fine food from Thanksgiving to Christmas, to New Years, to eating in Canada, to Chinese New Year, to travelling to Kaoshiung and Tainan)...well it's meant some extra jiggle in my figure...making me more womanly, but not that healthy. I have to admit seeing the scale was not a happy moment for me. But then I thought about all the INCREDIBLE meals I've had these past few months and I realized..."IT WAS ALL WORTH IT...EVERY SINGLE BITE!" Who wants to live a life of deprivation?

The good news is that my mom tested positive for Lyme disease which means there is hope she may respond to treatment! The past month has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster because she started getting worse after taking the medication. I had many nights of nightmares. But the past week she said her strength is improving a little bit. Amidst all of this I've learned that control is just an illusion in our lives. We want to control things by our efforts, and it often looks like we are in control. However, there are always situations in life that humble us and make us realize that all we can do is decide how we will live this moment.

To me that means really appreciating my time in Taiwan. To be honest I have thought about moving home quite a few times since my mom's illness set in. And while I haven't fully made a decision yet, in the mean time I talk to her on the phone almost every other day and I'm also making the most of my time here by staying in close contact with my grandmother who recently celebrated ther 76th birthday. We went to a Fuzhou restaurant with 8 women she met at church. It was a touching party because at her age I think it is rare for women to have close friends. They usually just stay within their families or marriages. However, here are a group of women who get together weekly and get involved with each other through thick and thin. That was so touching. They wrote cards and bought presents for her. She glowed with happiness, like a little girl. I don't think she ever had a birthday like that before. I am so grateful she has found this group of friends.

Oh yeah, back to my album...well at first when I released it I could barely listen to it. I was afraid to hear its imperfections, which undoubtedly there are due to limitations in our production budget. But as I toured around with it I had no choice but to listen to it more and more and the cool thing is that it really grew on me. I can hear my heart and what it is trying to convey. I hear the perseverance in my dream and my songs can really encourage me when I'm feeling down. I shared with a friend the other day that writing and singing is really my therapy. So songs like "Happy Day" and "Forget About Cinderella" pick me up when I'm feeling a little down. "Starry Love" makes me imagine what it will be like to take a stroll with the one I live (when I meet him), and "Perfect Moment" capture what I remember love to taste like.

I'm proud of myself for staying true to my heart and my music. When you hear my album you will hear my true feelings and perspective on life. To that end, my heros are Alanis Morrisette, Jewel and Sarah McLachlan who have stayed true to their course as well. It's not easy, especially in Taiwan where the environment is not conducive to this type of music...yet...I'm hoping I can help start a revolution. Will you join me?