如何樂觀

Here is part of a letter I received through email which I would like to share with you...

"Whenever I see you , I can feel you are always very happy , and optimistic. I'm so admire you have thins kind of personality.

Can you tell me how to be a happy person without catch a friend or lover(I think I always depend on friendship and lover to give me happyness, but catch closer will lost much.) On the other hand, I never like myself, I don't why........, I think if I can do something than I will happy,but I still weren't happy if I reach the goal.

I hope I could happy and optimistic as you, and share others my happyness rather than share bad story to them. Would you give me some advises? Thank you."

Wow! I never thought someone would say I was optimistic. In fact I have a friend who told me he felt I was not very happy based on reading my website. It just goes to show you how different people's perspectives can be....which is really the key to happiness. PERSPECTIVE (態度或角度) We are like ships. We cannot change our external environment. The weather can change. There will be sunny days, cloudy days, windy days, clear days, stormy days etc...That is similar to life. But we can chart a goal and a direction and make sure our ship is in good order. So there are three things we must do:

1. Accept we cannot change what is happening outside. It may be good or bad. That is life.
2. Make sure our ship is in good shape by taking care of ourselves, making sure we are in good health and good spirits. Get good rest, exercise and eat healthy. Learn to grow in maturity and heal the parts of you that need to be healed so your ship is in order and ready to take on the adventure that life can be.
3. Know where you want to go (rather than sailing aimlessly) while maintaining flexibility to accept that there will be detours and you may have to change destinations depending on outside circumstances.

To tell you the truth it takes me a lot of effort to be optimistic. I am not naturally that way. I have a sensitive heart and need to spend lots of time writing alone to make sense of my feelings and interactions with the world. However another part of being happy is having a healthy expectation for life. I do not believe that happiness is built on achieving goals. Goal achievements are moments that pass by quickly. However growth and the adventure of going after your goals is what is meaningful and priceless. Hence adjusting your PERSPECTIVE and EXPECTATION so that you can appreciate what is happening in the moment. Appreciate the people around you, the growth you are experiencing in your life, even the challenges you are in the process of overcoming.

More importantly, we cannot do any of this alone. I have several important friends who keep me going along the way. My dream for sharing my heart through music has not been an easy road to take. Many people have strongly discouraged me from taking this path. But I have friends who encourage me when I fall down (like singing off key in front of thousands of people) and keep me going on my bad days. It's okay to share your bad feeling with friends.

I am an emotional person with many ups and downs. I can experience intense happiness and sadness in the span of one hour. Rather than working hard to change this, I'm learning to accept that this is a part of who I am as an artist and creator. This intensity fuels my creations. At the same time I am also learning to not repress myself which creates more tension and stress.

AND, when there is nobody there to hug or encourage me, when life is not going the way I wish it would, or when I feel empty or that things are meaningless, I go back to my faith in God. I read the Bible and I pray for comfort and answers. I am lucky to have a great church where I have learned so much about living with a good friend who is always present, which is God!

Dear friend, though you feel sad right now. I hope you know that these pangs are an important part of growth. Learning to feel what you feel is not easy. Most people just get busier, make more goals or go out and party with lots of people to numb the pain. I too have had many struggles to love and accept who I am instead of changing myself to become some perfect ideal which is impossible.

I do have one piece of homework I would like you to do, which I did for a few months last year, that is write 3 encouraging things about yourself. For example 1. I smiled at a stranger today. 2. I wore green which looks good on me. 3. I gave my sister a big hug today.

Do this every night before you go to sleep and you will be amazed at how much you will love yourself more. It is not easy to change your outlook over night. BUT with effort everyday, step by step you will start to feel a difference!

I do have one praise for you: YOU BRAVELY SOUGHT HELP! That is a great thing to do. I am proud of you.

Love and best wishes,
Lily C